She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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