My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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