my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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