I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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