So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
