the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
