Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize