i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
