Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine

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(309): View more from Illinois

Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile

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(818): View more from California

she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick

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(562): View more from California

How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.

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(415): View more from California

Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important

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(214): View more from Texas

Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.

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