Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Randomize
