this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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