I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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