he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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