I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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