take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
