yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
