Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
