i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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