youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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