My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
