I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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