I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
