Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
