Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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