Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
