I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
