I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
