Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
