I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
