I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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