If i could tip my vagina, i would.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
