I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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