I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
