that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
