So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
