omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
