So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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