the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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