Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
