I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
