Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
