He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
