Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
