$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
