you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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