After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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