I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
