Don't make out with my wife yet
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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