she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
