also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
