Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
