Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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