You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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