the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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