there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
