so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
