I got chris browned last night
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
