Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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