Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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