The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
