1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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