They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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