i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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