I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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