I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
