There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
barbara walters just said penis...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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