Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
