MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
