At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
