Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
