I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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