Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
